Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Life of a Pimp as told by his Hoe

This is a fiction piece based on no real person or relationship.



Dear Daddy,
I fell asleep last night crying. 5yrs of being down and having your back, and I’ve never felt so used or alone.

You remember when we first met? I was 18, working at McDonald’s. You told me I had a smile that changed your whole day. You were so sweet back then, waiting for me to get off at midnight. I couldn’t believe when I walked out, bundled up tight in my coat and gloves, all set to run and catch that last bus headed for home. I heard you call my name, “Alicia, over here baby.”

“WOW” I thought to myself, as you flashed that smile so warm I no longer needed my coat. You even opened the door for me and waited in the rain for me to get in. In that instant, I was Cinderella and you were my Prince. You know even then, I wasn’t dumb, I remember thinking, “This nigga, just wanna hit.” But not you, you took me straight home, walked me to my front door. Kissed me on my forehead of all places and called me Princess.

“Princess?” I’ve never been called that before. How did you know that’s every little girls dream? You put your number in my hand…made me promise to call you. All I could think about that night was how this better looking than T.I. man, not only waited in the cold for me to get off work, but he actually drove me home without even a hint of wanting more, then gave me his number and begged me to call him.

I don’t think a day went by after that, that we didn’t see each other. Anytime I worked, there you were. You took me to restaurants, I’d never even heard of. No more taking the bus…you said I was too beautiful for all that. You must’ve known my new nickname made my spirit warm cause you never used my real name again, only Princess.

The sex was amazing. You weren’t like the other boys I’d been with. You took your time with me, always making sure not to rush. I felt like a delicate flower in your arms, like a rose you didn’t want to crush. You took me everywhere with you. The club, the court…you said I was your good luck charm and that without me the air wasn’t worth breathing.

I got fired from my job, too caught up in making the sun shine in your world to pay attention to mine. My mom started trippin’, telling me you were no good. She didn’t understand our bond though daddy, ride or die is what we were. So you came in while she was at worked, packed up my stuff and moved me out. You even carried me through the front door of our new sanctuary. Told me I would never have to worry again, cause you had my back till the end.

Then we got behind on the rent. The car payment on your BMW was way past due. You were so stressed Daddy. I hated seeing you hurt, hated that you felt like it was all on you. I promised you then, I’d do anything to see you smile the way you did the night we met. But what could I do? Minimum wage wasn’t gonna cut it you said. We had to come up with a better plan. I told you I was down, ride or die, was what we were. I saw the inside of my first strip club that night. I mean, I knew how to dance, but I had never done it without clothes. After a few drinks and a pill, I felt like Diamond from the Playaz Club as they called Princess to the stage. You told me, it was if, I was the only girl in the club that night. You took me home and made love to me more passionate than ever before. You told me I was yours now and that you would never let anything bad happen to me. A few weeks of dancing and I made enough to pay all the bills. But dollars being thrown just wasn’t enough for Daddy’s girl. So you came to me with the new plan.


You promised all I’d have to do was talk. If I said the right things and made the right moves, I’d be in and out in less than an hour. $700 for only one hour, made the tricks worth every penny. And as long as I drank first, I could close my eyes and almost smell you on top of me instead. “We’re a team.” You said. I had your back like no other. I was on the ride of my life and as long as you were leading, I’d follow. Then you became too busy to take me to my calls. Told me to catch a cab and call when I’m done.

I found out the night he attacked me in that nasty truck stop hotel, you were “interviewing” a new one. You promised to have my back, but all my desperate calls went to voicemail. I was so worried that something worse was happening to you, I mean that’s the only reason you wouldn’t be there for me since ride or die was what we were. Imagine my surprise when I walked in our house and she was on the couch. Told me she had no other place to go, so she’d be here for a while. Introduced her to me as Destiny.
That night as you held me and she slept in the other room, you told me not to worry cause I was your #1. I remember smiling, like it was such an honor, like my place in your heart was still secure.


But here we are, after so many years of having your back, after so many years, of lying down or kneeling and handing you every dime. Oh yea, I know I shouldn’t complain, cause I’m living good. I got all the new Coach bags, my heel game is sick and instead of every two weeks like most broads, I get my hair done on the weekly. But with all the glamour, came the blindness. I forgot where I started or where I was even going. I was supposed to be saving up for college. I always thought I’d be Lawyer. But with those charges on my record what law school would take me now?


Last night, I begged you to stop, pleaded for it to just be us again. I could work a regular job and you could go to school. I wanted to be your only girl, no more top and bottom. But, “I’m too good for minimum wage,” you said. And then you went off to bed.
So here I am, the morning after, trying to figure out my next move. Not a dollar to my name and no training but street game, wondering if my mama could ever love me again.
But I’m gonna stick it out cause I know for me, you’ll change. You love me remember, cause ride or die is what we are.

Forever your #1,

Princess
XOXO